Critics condemn Bible

Leading fictional characters are asking the public to boycott the Bible for twisting reality, and presenting a number of untruths about history as though they are proven facts.

The author of the Bible has cleverly worked a number of ideas from historical documents, such as 'The Da Vinci Code' by Dan Brown, along with fabrications like 'The Old Testament' by the conspiracy theorist and self-publicist, Moses Son Of Jehephethat. The resulting work has led people to believe fictional claims -- such as the allegation that Isaac Newton used to light his own farts -- and to question well established truths - such as that the undisputed fact that in Leonardo Da Vinci's painting of the Last Supper, the disciple John is clearly leaning down to pick up his glass from the floor, so that we can only see one hand, holding the bread knife (or 'dagger' to use the original Coptic term).

However, the Bible has been defended by Gandalf The White, who claims that it is Dan Brown's history which should be branded 'fiction', and should carry a disclaimer: 'reading this book may make other people think you are thick'.

Early figures suggest that, as a consequence of the boycott, more people than ever have questioned their own beliefs, taught themselves Aramaic, and gone digging in caves along the Nile, in order to increase their own understanding, through personal study, of the issues surrounding the controversy.

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